Mood Amplify

*Listening to: Untitled #8 - Sigur Ros

I dress according to my moods. Unlike what people would advise me to, I dress down when I feel gloomy. I don't care if I appear sloppy. I choose darker colours and those that I feel most comfortable with. Sometimes the outfit I pick at the moment, I wish I could just camouflage with it. Or perhaps, something that makes me invisible once I wear it. When I am happy, I go for brighter colours? or maybe something that flatter me most? or favourites? or I would just about do anything to make myself look good cos I feel good. I wanna feel and look pretty when I feel great.

*Listening to: Glosoli - Sigur Ros

I listen to music according to my moods. I pick sad and depressing songs when I feel broken. I listen to emo/louder songs with stronger faster beats when I am angry. I like Chill-Outs and Lounge when I work on my assignments and projects. It gives the flow and calm me down from panick-ing too much. De-stress a lil'. *heh*

Oh yeah, I just noticed that I even choose the colours for my text everytime I blog an entry according to my mood too XD *lol*

But I notice I write more when I am down, clouded and lost. Which is good I presume. A therapy to de-stress as well. To let out the 'things' which are troubling me. It feels good after that. I read blogs from my friends talking about their trips from vacations, special memorable occasions and such.. it's really lovely =) and I admire them (not that they have such moments and I don't) but I meant, for spending time effort and enough thought to create something to remember that special moment and generous enough to share the happiness, technically, globally online. With friends, family and practically everybody who reads them.
Then, I often been asked why I am not updating my blog (okay, that question is understandble) and they asked why don't I blog about my trip from somewhere somewhere and all? Well.. (aside from the cause of the lazy-bugs biting my fat ass) sometimes I wonder, what is the main reason I am blogging anyway? To share my thoughts and opinions on matters that matters? To rant, complain and just shout at the screen (through typing)? Or to report about my life? What I do, what I like, what I don't, what happened, what I want, how I feel?? It's like exposing myself to the world?? Is that what I want? Normally in the end we would just shrug it away and forget about in a second. I would.

*Listening to: Into the Ocean - Blue October

But don't get me wrong though, I am not going against anything here of course =) it's great sharing what we have and all. I personally LOVE sharing. Believe me. Really. I basically don't mind sharing stuff about myself. Unless they would bring trouble in the end, of course. *sigh* Which is always unpredictable, no?

*Listening to: 18th Floor Balcony - Blue October

So, I most likely would, share stuff about my Bukit Tinggi trip here with pictures and all like how everyone would XD

*Listening to: Tonight - Martin Grech

**Latest Obsession: Martin Grech [ Open Heart Zoo]











#My friend Wei Han called me a Music Hub for sharing with him my food-for-my-soul daily supplies from time to time XD and I simply love that term. *haha* XD

*Listening to: Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros



I YEARN

I've had a strong yearning for something all of a sudden. Something non-existence, something un-reachable. Something far-far away.

This may sound crazy. Although it has brought me much pain and sorrows, it has been there for sooo long. And it was part of me. It was 'me'.

I miss Kittyfish.
Alot.
If Shadow is listening, I hope you're doing well.
Wherever you are.
Kittyfish is there with you, I know.
Hold her close. Don't wander too far.
To Both of you.

My Rising Sun

*Listening to: Only Hope - Switchfoot

I love to write.

Why am I not writing anymore lately?

I think, I care too much about what people would think, what would they 'know' or perceive from what I write that, I may not want it to be perceived as such? Then I felt as if I am not being true to myself. I want to write what I want. What I feel. I have slowly lost that 'side' of me. I feel sad. I want it back. Maybe minues the gloomy part, but I want that sensitive, compassionate and always craving for new inspiration Amanda.

There was a day just like any other, only this time, there was a sun. Rising in between my clouds in my sky. It was beautiful, it was uplifting. It was great to see light and feel warmness again. I guess I have longed for it so much that I ran towards it too soon. I must have got myself burnt.

And then I wonder..

If I really want a sun in my sky every single day? I don't dislike the rain. In fact I loved it more than anything. Sun is good when you feel cold. When you feel lost and you want some light. But without the rain and the clouds once in a while, I would never be able to cherish the sun as much. Now I miss the rain.

Soon I let go of the sun. And I leave it to the rainbow, breeze, birds and the bees. If it shall come again, it will. I won't run this time. I would love the rain, the sun, the clouds, storm, birds and bees all the same. What comes naturally, is what I want most.

(note: ignore whatever you've have read if you don't understand a thing. you may find it really ridiculous and lame. i just typed what came into my mind =) )















Redang, 03/05/2007, sunrise, at awe.