Back to Square One. Fuck the fucked up days. yay.

Half way through my pack of smokes. I feel more depressing than ever about my current state of looks when I reflected myself (naked face), looking more haggard than ever. 

Oh gawd.

Permanent shades that is.

Not to mention killing my lungs and health faster too.

It's back to square one. 

Just when I thought I have a whole new thought and change of plans of my life. I see more future and opportunity for my career... and life. I told myself, nevermind the stress, nevermind the tough work of juggling more than TWO things at work, nevermind the physical stress of the long distance drive, despite waking up at 6am every morning at sleeping approx. 5 hours every night... it's okay.

No joke, I began to lose my appetite (don't ask me why). I still feel hungry, yes. But it's so forceful I had to shove food down my throat every meal. It's like a chore. Then I lose concentration at work. I can't work. I can't focus, so I can't write good and perform at my best. It could be... (surprise) stress?

Then I started to lose my mind. I was cheated RM50 on my way to the mall nearby after a lousy day at work, to meet up with a friend who promised to cheer me up that day. I paid a RM100 note (that's what I was left with) for a RM10 fare. I took RM40 of change and left the VERY rude Indian taxi driver's cab. 

"That was it. Enough." I told myself. I can't help it but broke down when I spoke to dad on the phone. His words were surprisingly very comforting. "Looks like no matter how much I tell myself I could do this as long as I stay strong, there are things that I really can't get control of... I don't know what I'm doing anymore." He replied, "There are never a time where we could get a 100% control of all situations in life. Things like that happen. I told you, if you can't take it anymore, don't push yourself so hard. Take a deep breath, relax. Okay?"

I felt much better. 

So 'he' came. He spotted me, came and greeted the 'me' with a cigg then. 

Benn: You look so different.

Manda: (laughs) How different?

Benn: Not the Manda I used to know?

Manda: Hmm? Like how lar??

Benn: Always full of energy.

Manda: :)

Thank god I have friends. Yes, all of you. 

You all make my fucked up days all... not so 'fucked up' anymore.

I love you all :)

Then when I feel a little more lightened up, I told him, "Oh well. *shrugs*  I'll (try) to look at the bright side? I bought 'this' decision from that asshole taxi driver for RM50. XD"

To leave my job that is. And I did.

Main reasons? 

Bah. 

Long, complicated, very un-called for story. Save the SHITS here, back to my 'webbed' feet eh, Juno?

So... now what? :3 

I bounced back and forth, left to right and back and forth again.. now back to square one. 

Jobless... and... lost + a little blue once in a while. Since I got to feed my new 'baby' now. My not so new, 2nd hand Getz. XD 

Yup. My very own car ^^ ahh.. I'll snap a picture of it soon and update this entry here. Well I got another new member in the family to feed. Whom will most probably eat more than I do :P  Like what Benn says. 

Wish me luck with my yet again new start from now? What's gonna happen next? What to do, what to do?

"Life is like a box of chocolates (alright)"

*Back to my long procrastinated writing I promised someone. Sheesh.