My Lair.

Last term in our 'creative & marketing' class, we were told to write about our room but in a none descriptive way. "Tell it like how you would a story", Rico said. So here is mine..

This crack on the door, tells a story of a rebellious person behind it. While the angry note saying "KNOCK!!!" shouts at you. Thus the ambiance upon entering is far from what you might had in mind. The most important asset, is strangely a double-decker that only accommodates one. Frustratingly, it never fails to create another bump on the head. This, a closet-sized room had often been suspected to be the cause of her 'dwarf-height'. Nevertheless, she never gave in to trade for a larger, more spacious room. When the curtains are down, the walls are cool, it feels like heaven to sleep in.
To recall, it's been a while since the curtains were up. The last time, it was the existence of a feline mother-and-child right outside the window. It brought a whole new life to this room. It was a story of its own to bring smiles on the face of this girl living next to them. She watched and waited everyday and sometimes even night. Hoping to be small and invisible enough to not catch their sight. Sadly the kitten did not last long enough to widen her smile. Nevertheless, this tiny space had compiled tears, laughter and secrets that reflects more than anything about her inside-out.





































































'Angel of my god, My gurdian dear,
To whom gods love entrusts me here,
Ever this night be at my side,
To light and guard, To rule and guide.
Amen.'

A little prayer someone once taught me.

















Prints on my comforter. If you 'get' it =)




















Oh, and this.. if you see what I see ^^ *lol*

Expired - Part 1(Redang)

It's a pity if I am not going to share my last term break's lovely holidays and trips after those hectic workloads (though nothing compared to this term) oh well, but those trips were wonderful and satisfying, not posting up the pretty/'stupid-looking faces' (that's me) pictures (at least) would be really really sad. ^^ So here it is..
*note: yes, this is pretty outdated but who cares? XD

Pulau Redang - 2/5/2007
















While waiting for the 'very bumpy' boat. Pui Yee, Pei Chyi & I.





























Up and there I go!
The boat ride from the jetty to the island was incredibly, unbelievable bumpy and actually got me really excited and I was actually enjoying it XD it was FUN! It bumps, and jumps and almost flying in the air bumping on the surface of the sea and waves. Not forgetting occasionally we would get splashes of salty sea water all over our faces! *lol* I guess the others were getting really sea sick but I think I choose this over a roller-coaster ride. XD































Once we arrived, we cannot resist not strolling along the beach can we? Accompanied by the strong wind. All giggling and splashing. ^^

Mood Amplify

*Listening to: Untitled #8 - Sigur Ros

I dress according to my moods. Unlike what people would advise me to, I dress down when I feel gloomy. I don't care if I appear sloppy. I choose darker colours and those that I feel most comfortable with. Sometimes the outfit I pick at the moment, I wish I could just camouflage with it. Or perhaps, something that makes me invisible once I wear it. When I am happy, I go for brighter colours? or maybe something that flatter me most? or favourites? or I would just about do anything to make myself look good cos I feel good. I wanna feel and look pretty when I feel great.

*Listening to: Glosoli - Sigur Ros

I listen to music according to my moods. I pick sad and depressing songs when I feel broken. I listen to emo/louder songs with stronger faster beats when I am angry. I like Chill-Outs and Lounge when I work on my assignments and projects. It gives the flow and calm me down from panick-ing too much. De-stress a lil'. *heh*

Oh yeah, I just noticed that I even choose the colours for my text everytime I blog an entry according to my mood too XD *lol*

But I notice I write more when I am down, clouded and lost. Which is good I presume. A therapy to de-stress as well. To let out the 'things' which are troubling me. It feels good after that. I read blogs from my friends talking about their trips from vacations, special memorable occasions and such.. it's really lovely =) and I admire them (not that they have such moments and I don't) but I meant, for spending time effort and enough thought to create something to remember that special moment and generous enough to share the happiness, technically, globally online. With friends, family and practically everybody who reads them.
Then, I often been asked why I am not updating my blog (okay, that question is understandble) and they asked why don't I blog about my trip from somewhere somewhere and all? Well.. (aside from the cause of the lazy-bugs biting my fat ass) sometimes I wonder, what is the main reason I am blogging anyway? To share my thoughts and opinions on matters that matters? To rant, complain and just shout at the screen (through typing)? Or to report about my life? What I do, what I like, what I don't, what happened, what I want, how I feel?? It's like exposing myself to the world?? Is that what I want? Normally in the end we would just shrug it away and forget about in a second. I would.

*Listening to: Into the Ocean - Blue October

But don't get me wrong though, I am not going against anything here of course =) it's great sharing what we have and all. I personally LOVE sharing. Believe me. Really. I basically don't mind sharing stuff about myself. Unless they would bring trouble in the end, of course. *sigh* Which is always unpredictable, no?

*Listening to: 18th Floor Balcony - Blue October

So, I most likely would, share stuff about my Bukit Tinggi trip here with pictures and all like how everyone would XD

*Listening to: Tonight - Martin Grech

**Latest Obsession: Martin Grech [ Open Heart Zoo]











#My friend Wei Han called me a Music Hub for sharing with him my food-for-my-soul daily supplies from time to time XD and I simply love that term. *haha* XD

*Listening to: Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros



I YEARN

I've had a strong yearning for something all of a sudden. Something non-existence, something un-reachable. Something far-far away.

This may sound crazy. Although it has brought me much pain and sorrows, it has been there for sooo long. And it was part of me. It was 'me'.

I miss Kittyfish.
Alot.
If Shadow is listening, I hope you're doing well.
Wherever you are.
Kittyfish is there with you, I know.
Hold her close. Don't wander too far.
To Both of you.

My Rising Sun

*Listening to: Only Hope - Switchfoot

I love to write.

Why am I not writing anymore lately?

I think, I care too much about what people would think, what would they 'know' or perceive from what I write that, I may not want it to be perceived as such? Then I felt as if I am not being true to myself. I want to write what I want. What I feel. I have slowly lost that 'side' of me. I feel sad. I want it back. Maybe minues the gloomy part, but I want that sensitive, compassionate and always craving for new inspiration Amanda.

There was a day just like any other, only this time, there was a sun. Rising in between my clouds in my sky. It was beautiful, it was uplifting. It was great to see light and feel warmness again. I guess I have longed for it so much that I ran towards it too soon. I must have got myself burnt.

And then I wonder..

If I really want a sun in my sky every single day? I don't dislike the rain. In fact I loved it more than anything. Sun is good when you feel cold. When you feel lost and you want some light. But without the rain and the clouds once in a while, I would never be able to cherish the sun as much. Now I miss the rain.

Soon I let go of the sun. And I leave it to the rainbow, breeze, birds and the bees. If it shall come again, it will. I won't run this time. I would love the rain, the sun, the clouds, storm, birds and bees all the same. What comes naturally, is what I want most.

(note: ignore whatever you've have read if you don't understand a thing. you may find it really ridiculous and lame. i just typed what came into my mind =) )















Redang, 03/05/2007, sunrise, at awe.

A Slot Missing.

I've wanted to blog a few entries some time back. Was getting annoyed why couldn't I upload any pictures so I decided to just screw it and forget about blogging. But then I've always had this urge to share.. or maybe to "open up" just because I am sick of keeping it all inside me and the risk the chances of exploding my head when I am crossing the street one day.. Well, okay.. so this "pretty saviour" came to my rescue.. a few hours ago.. If it makes u happy -_-" and so here they are ^^ new pics of my new hair (not so nice now) and taken with my new phone! Finally! (applause).

This were taken..*hmm*(thinks) on 4th March. A night before I need to hand in my logo sketches for my Corporate Identity class. Was terribly tired after staying up without sleep for many nights. To be seen in pictures STILL in this condition.. I am amazing! XD

Oh well.. Almost. XP







































































And then it was CNY days before that..
So this oinks were at the corner tables watching "us" gamble most of the time..




































And "THESE" oinks.. were busy cam-whoring with my new Nokia 5300 XD ok lar. Just ME! *hmph*





































Well.. Many things "seemed" to have happened". But not in the most oblivious way. Even I sub-conciously let it pass me by and tell myself that I hv NOT notice that. Which, seems very contradicting, no? I have thought.. I have been happier lately after I have lifted something off my shoulders and moved on. And then things around me keep progressing at their on pace and then.. I felt.. Left out. Left behind. And thought.. Shit. Now, I'm envious. Why? Have I been spending THAT much time on something that I had all my hopes, strength and even my heart in and realized that in the end.. I am left with nothing?

So what was that all about? Dream?? I wish! Then it means I have only used a few hours to result to this amount of dissapoinment and NOT crushing my hopes and in the end be reminded that I have to go on and start all over again with new BLANK hopes and whatever has happened, was all only in your head darling Amanda. It's time to wake up.

This may sound stupid and I might just get things like "It's okay, the sad times will soon pass and then will soon be over and u'll be happy again." "You will get what you want someday."
Someday.
It's all about hopes isn't it? BAH.
It's alright to sleep this over and look at the glaring sun the next morning. It's alright. Yup. Of course. But once in a while.. It will just *PANG* and then I will *OW* be reminded. So it is now a walking smiling human being beaming at u in the morning when she sees you but she has this empty slot in her heart. Pretty cool eh? ^^

Just maybe.. IF now I actually try the REVERSE. If I stop hoping. And actually totally give this up.. It will come to me eventually? Well, things always come to you when u least expect of them right? Haha.
-_-" I am contradicting myself again. (Am I not FREAKIN, sub-conciously HOPING already when I said that??!!) ARGH.















I have wasted much time again. CNY is over. It is now March, quarter of 2007 gone. Am turning 21 this year. Am having a stiff-neck now and I'm using "Yoko-yoko".

I am still the same. Pretty much. I still work till late nights... Okay let me re-phrase that. I STILL start working only at late nights. And now instead of taking light naps or (power-naps) which is Juno's favourite source of joke-making *, I now take.. *drum rolls* C O F F E E ! Surprise. Well, I did not mention anything about "IMPROVEMENTS" did I?? XD At least I am getting my work done!

And guess what?? Now it is time to do that! 1:53 am! Perfect! XD

*waves Goodnight* =)

p/s: Here I confess, I REALLY love you people who REALLY read my blog. *hugs*

Rant. Rant. RANT.

I have been downloading this anime for almost a month. It was completed hours ago. I watched like 15 mins of it then I offed it 'cause I was busy. Then I was trying to do some "housekeeping" on my comp transfering the files (during the process bla bla..) I didn't know how it happened but to cut it SHORT, ... I f**kn deleted 14 episodes out of 30!!
*pulls hair out of scalp*

Yes. Hooray.

ThEnd.