I want it to rain

I called it stopped.
Not just once,
Not just twice.
It was repeated from my lips...

Out of breath,
Out of redemption;
Partly helpless,
Partly still... very afraid.

With much disinclination,
From his physical strength,
From his inner desires;
He was much reluctant to let go...

Sadly,
Very sadly,
It wasn't because he wanted me for me;
He just wanted 'it'...
Just then,
Just there.

One of the many seven,
Has almost,
Very nearly,
Over taken me...

The one by the name of 'Lust',
Has graveled me greatly;
I had once again fallen,
To the hands of sin.

I could feel my insides sink,
I could feel the lump in my throat hard to swallow,
I could feel I am stopping something strong,
I could feel the weight I have increased...
To the scathe I have done to myself.

"Drive me home",
Guts spilled;
Uttered words I couldn't forgive my foolishness,
I left the car...
Finally.

Back in my own sanctuary,
Then I felt,
Like I could see,
My heart on the floor...

Covered in red,
Covered in pain;
Still beating...

This time,
I know,
I couldn't tear no more...

I reached for the window,
"I want it to rain",
I said;
Then I rested my soul,
And myself,
On my bed.

Eyes closed,
Thoughts fluctuated.

Then I heard,
Very sudden,
And very heavy patters...

It didn't help in making the sorrows on my face go away,
It didn't help in making the pain inside go away,
It certainly didn't and wouldn't help,
In making the wounds go away...
Ever.

But,
I felt...
A little,
Just a little...
Slightly,
Better...