Anticipation, then Heartache.

I really love this guy.
Unquestionably talented. Charming. An amazing actor.

It was shocking and upsetting to learn about his death.
And it brought me even more skeptical thoughts and questions to have learned about the tragic ending of his life right after role playing 'The Joker' in "The Dark Knight" - 2008.

To grasp the life of a psycho and dwell in such awful sadism; who feels no fear, who lives his life with no rules.
A 'clown' who casts a smile on faces with his razor wand.

I tried fitting a foot (in this case, I meant by only imagining) into the shoe of this horrifying man, 'The Joker' - as an actor, and for the love of embracing different lives in one body- If it was I, to adopt such a maniacal character, it might be too overwhelming and empowering... I might begin to know 'it' so well or worse, to actually fall in love with the other 'me' so much, even more than I ever knew myself and loved myself so much that I doubt if I could ever retrieve myself from it ever again.

I shivered in disturbance; yet disturbed by the cold loneliness.

I sat back... and then straight up, eyes glued to the glowing screen in the dark hall, along with other audiences, whom were as concentrated in the movie... while clenching my fists and occasionally my teeth with more deep frowns on my forehead...

I watched this demented villain throughout and till the end of the show filled with pain in my heart.